Advertisement
I am taking a trip in the begining of April to meet the parents of my love Kamal. We have been together for almost 2 years and he asked me to marry him and sent me a ring right before New Years. Our relationship has been mostly long distance. His parents are traditional Moroccan Muslims and they have never met me. From what I know about them, his father is very overprotective, Kamal tells him a lie to see me or his father will give him trouble. His mom has talked to me a few times (she can only say hi to me she doesnt speak any english and i dont know hardly any moroccan arabic)but she has never met me. I am so nervous!! They dont know me well and soon they will meet me and find out he plans to move to the U.S. and marry me. I was hoping someone could give me advice on how to make things more confortable on all of us. What can i do to try to gain their trust and love. They will be apart of my family soon and are already apart of my heart as their son is. Thanks for all your help.
Advertisement
Advertisement
-
Unsu...
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Mon, February 12, 2007 - 8:43 AM
Oh... Wow!
Congratulations on your upcoming marraige~!
Tricky situation...
I suppose the absolute best way to proceed is to get feedback from Kamal. For example: Would his parents prefer to meet you wearing hijab? Ha ha... May seem surface but the idea is to put them at ease and to be respectful...
Also, it sounds as if they do not know of his plans to relocate to the USA? Try to get him to tell you everything to expect. Because it may be a stormy meeting no matter what...
Hhmmm... It's coming up so soon!
You have been to Morocco before, no? Asilah? Rhythms of peace 2006 was there, right?
InshaAllah the love that you and Kamal share will see you through any turbulance that may arise.
I would try to learn even brief formal Arabic and just be as polite as possible.
Maybe learn salat (muslim prayer)? Is Kamal a practicing Muslim?
I don't know if that even interests you, but it may help...
Over all this is a big step ~ again, congratualions (Mubarak)~!
May your union blossom and may all of the family involved come to rejoice in your love and celebrate the marraige~!
InshaAllah~!
Enjoy your trip in April~!
Alfu Alfu Salaam
-
Unsu...
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Tue, February 13, 2007 - 1:19 AMI don't mean to sound like a bastard or anything, but if your relationship is built on lies, meaning that Kamal has been lieing to his parents to see you, and he plans on marrying you then moving to the US, I would expect your meeting to be very rough.
Also, are you a Muslim? If not, and his parents are tradional, like you say, then that can be an issue too.
Finally, even though this has been going on for two years, you need to seriously sit back and consider why it is going on. The average, non-practising Muslim, would do anything to go to the US. I am not saying that this is the reason why Kamal has been talking to you, but you need to know that.
Why don't you want to relocate to Morocco? There is absolutely no doubt that if he is serious about marrying you and doing it for the right reasons, then living as a Muslim and raising a Muslim family is better in Morocco than in the US.
-
-
Unsu...
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Tue, February 13, 2007 - 2:09 AM
Brother Isa brings up some good points.
I've never been so hustled in my life than when I was in Morocco~ and by some very charismatic and saavy people.
As Isa said~ the average, non-practising Muslim would do anything to get to the US, and you do need to know that.
I truly hope that this is not your scenario~ but it is such a huge step that you need to be realistic about everything.
I am hoping that you and Kamal have talked in depth, and that you have a real sense of who he is and where he is coming from.
This is not to be negative in the slightest~ I truly wish for you a wonderful, beautiful life together.
It's more a red flag of caution.
-
-
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Tue, February 13, 2007 - 10:36 AMWow both of you have given me allot to think about. Me and Kamal talk to eachother for long periods of time everyday, & his family knows about me. Kamal is a practicing Muslim but i am not. I am Christian. He respects my faith as i respect his. We dont push ideas on each other we discuss and usually agree to disagree. I dont feel he is just trying to come to the states but i am sure many do. I will need to study Kamal's motives for asking me to marry him. I feel only love in my heart for him and he knows of all of the hurt i have felt in my life. I would feel it would only hurt him in the eyes of God to hurt and use me to become a citizen. I truely hope you are wrong but the love i feel for him is stronger than that doubt. In such a short time we have gone through so much. When he looks at me i feel his love and i know he is my one true Love. Thanks for looking out for me and bringing real issues to my attention. I am touched and i wont dismiss a word. I truely appreciate all yall's advice!! Thanks =) -
-
Unsu...
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Wed, February 14, 2007 - 7:10 AMOnce again, don't take this the wrong way, but I am going to explain some things from and Islamic perspective to you.
In Islam, there are four reasons to get married, they are religion, beauty, wealth, family. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said the number one reason to get married is because of the other persons religion.
Now, since you are not a Muslim, already Kamal is going against the grain in this regard. This brings us to wealth and family, since you are not anywhere near Kamal, I highly doubt these two factors come into play. Which leaves you with beauty, which you may possess and it may very well be the reason this relationship has started.
However, I am an American, and I was born, raised and lived 32 years of my life there, now I live in Morocco. I am going to let you in on something: There are tons of beautiful women here!
This point is important because you need to consider what are the reasons why he couldn't find someone right here in his own backyard. I have little doubt, that if he is really a practising Muslim, then he could have found someone here, who was a Muslim (no offense), especially if his family is more traditional.
Think about this seriously. He has gone through the whatever means to met you, who lives on the other side of the world than he does. He has gone outside of his religion and intends to marry a Christian (though this is permissable in Islam under certain conditions). He has proposed to you, and in Islam you are supposed to talk to your father/guardian. Amongst other things, he wants to leave Morocco and go live with you in the US. I would really question his motives (and I am talking from the fact that I have witnessed Moroccans do exactly what he is doing just to go to America).
Now, let's talk even more seriously:
What is he going to do when he get's to America? How is he going to support you? Does he even have a Passport? Did he finish High School? Did he go to College? How is he planning on supporting you? Then down the line, what about children- Christian or Muslim?
Those are the big questions because there is a sickness amongst young Moroccans and that is that they think the streets are paved with gold in America, and if they can get there that their lives would be a million times better.
I know that this may have sounded harsh, but I am just trying to be a voice of reason here. A good way to tell if he is using you is to tell him that you went online, looked at Morocco, and decided that you want to live here instead of America. See what his reaction is to that. ;P -
-
sad reasonable truth to be written on LOVE day...but here's a freshing thought for ya
Wed, February 14, 2007 - 9:37 AM"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing".
~ Blaise Pascal
-
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Wed, February 14, 2007 - 4:14 PMKamal is 31 years old and graduated from collage and is now a english teacher at public school in Sale and in a Private school in Rabat. he wants to try to become a teacher in the states maybe enroll in more classes. he has been studing french to get a degree so he can maybe teach french. and we have talked about our children and i feel he can teach Islam and we can go to the mosque. and he agreed we can go to church on Sundays. we both feel that eachother religion is good and what ever way our children decide to worship would be ok. i can be very happy mother with muslim kids. Religion i feel is the relationship between you and God. Kamal already has a brother that lives here in the states. so i dont think he has delusions of quick riches. I dont think his reasons are bad for wanting to marry me. but it seems u feel very strongly i am being used :( i guess u feel a muslim should only be with a muslim and that there is no possibility he could have fallen in love with me because there are already pretty girls there. thanks -
-
Unsu...
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Thu, February 15, 2007 - 4:17 AMI'm just presenting another side of things, that perhaps you didn't think of. -
-
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Thu, February 15, 2007 - 7:52 AMA really good way to test a guy is say you're not going to give him his green card when you get married. Works every time...Do you know how many marriage proposals have suddenly vanished into thin air when I drop that bomb? -
-
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Fri, February 16, 2007 - 6:28 PMWell, I SO HAPPY FOR THEM! If they are really feel in love eachother ... So there is nothing important than that! Because i see two years is enough to know each other more. I see kamal is a teach! and of course he would pay good here and so ... why he should go to live in the states! i guess because he is in the true love and i think even she asked him if they are can live in morocco after the marriage! and the answer would be YeS!
As for the parents it might be not problem with them because i had have seen some uncles and cousin's married womens from germany , belgium , canada , italy and all of them in diffrenet religions and got kids and they are muslims... and now some live in morocco and some live outside! i'm just trying to explain thats ~~LOVE is LOVE and JUST A ONE GOD but MANY RELIGIONS!!!!! ~~~
THE CONGRATULATIONS!
Have a happy life ;-D -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Sat, February 17, 2007 - 10:18 PMThank You So Much Samir!!! i do truely Love him and i know in my heart He Loves me. He is my Best Friend I tell him everything and he wakes me in the morning with a call and then he wakes up in the middle of the night in morocco to give words of love before i fall asleep. He has done this for almost 1 year daily. WE have given so much to this relationship. I know his Mother is excited for us but his Father i know has told him he would rather him be with a Muslim woman. So i am a bit nervous he will give Kamal a hard time and i am not sure how he will treat me. His Sister Kawtar has spoken to me several times and we get along good as well as his other Brothers . Kamal assures me I will recieve a warm welcome. I just wanted to make sure I put forth all the effort I could so if it doesnt go like we all hope I will know i tryed my best. I just Love him and and cant imagine my life without him. -
-
Re: Advice on meeting Parents
Sun, February 18, 2007 - 12:00 PMYour Welcome My Friend! I hope his father be nice and let his son do whatever want because this is his life and i guess if his brothers and sister and also the mother or even some best friends of his father must talking with him about that to let his son to meet and to completed his life. i see the both of you have the same religion is THE LOVE! and who knows what will happen to the other religions - maybe would be a happy muslim couple. OH just a think!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-